What would we do if we are confronted by an old acquaintance who passes by and does not acknowledges us? What would we do if our spouse does not appreciate the breakfast which we crafted after hours of hard work? What would we do if our house help/office subordinate arrives late on work often? We would not acknowledge, we would complain, and we will rebuke respectively in response to the above question. Because that seems to be the Natural Reaction of the actions I mentioned above.
Talking about life in general, we have taken Newton’s third law very seriously with people we interact, but we forgot that it wasn’t meant to be applied on relations but objects! An equal and opposite reaction for every action we face is not ideal when we are dealing with people. But isn’t that what we have learnt all our lives? Haven’t we watched our society returning the wedding present, birthday gifts, Diwali offerings; Exactly of the worth what they received from everyone? I can see you nodding but pause and think over the next question. Did you ever experience a royal treatment by a host in terms of service and warmth, where all You could extend was an ordinary hospitality when they visited you last? How did you feel? You felt elated! You felt humbled. You felt grateful & above all you promise yourself to outdo their hospitality next time they visit you.
Let’s apply this assessment to our relations where things are little further from being smooth. How about returning a snarl with a smile. How about greeting a-not-so-sweet-relative whole heartedly on their birthday, when they weren’t even expecting a text from you. I could add 5 more similar gestures which are awesome, but would you really put them to practice? You would not! Your ego would not let you. We learnt that it was ok to reject people whose ethics were not in tune with ours. We learnt that a natural reaction to a fault of another human being is rebuke. We learnt that distrusting humans in general, in response to one deceive should be the protocol to protect ourselves from further exploitation. We all have been doing that haven’t we?
Time for self-check! If we are taking the actions which are deemed correct as per societal norms. If we are doing what is meant to be done, why have we lost the tranquillity which is our basic nature. Why are we not in state of joy and peace if we are following the rules of the book? Because the rules are flawed! Allow me to introduce the concept of unlearning here.
Unlearning rewires you to forget your past experiences and analyse your current belief system so that you can embrace new ideas and behaviours which has deeper meanings and can provide you with better results in your relations with everybody around you. Unlearning is an inconvenient process. Learning on the other hand has been natural all our lives.
Why unlearning? What is wrong with what we have been practicing all this long? Quiet a lot! Quiet a lot is lost. The goodness of our hearts stands defeated today. We are constantly bleeding with inner turmoil. We are losing the compassion we have had for each other. We have failed miserably in upholding the dignity of human relations. Rob of your pointless ego and distribute kindness in abundance to the needy. Unlearn so that you can be a Robinhood!
Unlearn the societal norms of behaving. Unlearn the rejection of people who are different – in their values, in their behaviour, in their habits, in their norms than yours. Embrace acceptance more often. Unlearn that pleasing everyone is the only way of fitting in. If you cannot put your heart in it rather don’t do it all. Keep sync in your thoughts and actions. Think what you do (say) and do what you think! Unlearn that admonishing people for their genuine mistakes is not the best way of reforming them. Try endorsing them for what they have done right and explain what is gone wrong. Unlearn being reactive and practice being responsive!
As a mother of a 22 months old, I learnt (or rather unlearnt) that annoyance and frustration can only be won over by little cuddles and lots of love. I have reprimanded her only to receive hugs which melts my heart. Because she always chooses affection over aversion. I agree she isn’t yet corrupted with the ways of the world (And Newton’s third Law!) but isn’t that what we need to unlearn? Unlearn the hostility soaked up over the years and learn to be affable.
So today, even if a friend did not acknowledge your presence, even if you have walked out of a relation due to misgivings, even if your spouse has smashed your plasma tv because India lost a match – you can always remind yourself that you are aware that you need to unlearn being intolerant or angry or doubtful. It isn’t easy. But, you are a notch higher than many who still think it’s ok to be all that because it’s not. Unlearn what does not serves you and unleash your best version because society needs a Robinhood, society needs a better you!
